What to Do When Your Child is Bullied: Parent Guide

Bullying is a topic that strikes fear and anxiety in the hearts of parents everywhere. If your child is being bullied at school, online, or anywhere else, you want to help—but what should you do? How do you recognize the signs, talk to your child, intervene effectively, and support their healing afterward? In this guide, we’ll walk you through how to help a bullied child with empathy and practical steps, equipping you to navigate a challenging but common parenting hurdle.

Understanding Bullying: What Every Parent Should Know

Bullying is intentional, repeated aggressive behavior involving a real or perceived power imbalance. Children might be bullied physically, verbally, socially (through exclusion or rumors), or even digitally (cyberbullying). Bullying can happen in schools, on the playground, in extracurricular settings, or online via social media, gaming, and texting platforms.

• Physical bullying: Hitting, kicking, pushing, damaging belongings.
• Verbal bullying: Name-calling, threats, mocking, taunting, or making inappropriate sexual comments.
• Social bullying: Spreading rumors, purposeful exclusion, public humiliation.
• Cyberbullying: Sending threatening messages, sharing embarrassing photos, or impersonation online.

The effects of bullying can be profound and lasting, impacting a child’s mental health, academic engagement, and self-esteem. Recognizing these dangers is the first step toward effective parental intervention.

Recognizing the Signs: How Do I Know If My Child Is Being Bullied?

Many children do not tell their parents outright that they’re being bullied. They may feel ashamed, worry about retaliation, or believe that adults can’t help. Watch closely for these warning signals:

• Unexplained injuries, bruises, or torn clothing
• Lost or destroyed possessions
• Frequent headaches or stomach aches (especially before school)
• Reluctance or refusal to go to school or social events
• Sudden decline in academic performance
• Changes in sleep patterns or nightmares
• Withdrawing from friends or activities they previously enjoyed
• Appearing sad, angry, moody, or anxious
• Unexpected or excessive requests for money or supplies
• Mentioning harmful thoughts or a desire to avoid life altogether

If you observe several of these behaviors, trust your instincts and take the signals seriously. Early intervention is crucial.

Opening Up: How to Talk with Your Child About Bullying

Gently encouraging your child to share what they’re experiencing can make a world of difference. How you broach the subject matters:

• Pick a comfortable time. Choose a moment when you both have privacy and time—perhaps during a quiet car ride or after dinner.
• Use open-ended questions. Instead of “Are you being bullied?” try, “How are things going at school? Have you ever seen or experienced anyone being mean?”
• Be calm and supportive. Children often worry that parents will overreact, so reassure them that you’re there to help, not judge.
• Validate their feelings. Statements like “That sounds really hard. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this” help your child feel understood.
• Be patient. Some children need time to process or build up the courage to open up. Keep the lines of communication open.

Questions to Get the Conversation Started

• “Have you noticed anyone at school or online treating you or others unkindly?”
• “Who do you like hanging out with right now? Is there anyone you avoid?”
• “How do you feel about going to school?”
• “Have you seen or had anything upsetting on your phone or computer?”

Practical Steps: What Should Parents Do When Their Child Is Bullied?

Once you have identified bullying, a strategic response can offer concrete help. Here are the steps to follow:

1. Listen and reassure first. Let your child know it’s not their fault, they’re not alone, and it’s good they told you.
2. Gather facts. Find out what happened, who was involved, when and where it occurred, and how often. Keep a written record, especially if the bullying is ongoing.
3. Develop an action plan together. Involve your child by asking what would make them feel safe. Would they prefer you speak with the school, help them talk to a counselor, or practice responses to bullies?
4. Alert relevant adults. Contact the school principal, teacher, counselor, or activity leader. Share detailed, factual information and request their policy or approach for handling bullying. Stay involved and follow up.
5. Avoid contacting the bully’s family directly. Although tempting, parent-to-parent contact can sometimes escalate the problem or result in blame. Leave communications to authorities.
6. Report cyberbullying to platforms. For online harassment, document everything (screenshots, messages), and use official reporting tools on social sites or games. If serious, alert law enforcement.
7. Model healthy coping strategies. Help your child build resilience (see below), practice assertive responses, and stay engaged in positive activities that reinforce their strengths and friendships.

What Not to Do

• Do not tell your child to “just ignore it.” This can make them feel helpless and unsupported.
• Do not suggest retaliation. Fighting back can intensify bullying and get your child in trouble.
• Don’t minimize the situation by saying “it’s just part of growing up.” Bullying can have serious long-term effects.
• Avoid shaming your child for not standing up for themselves. Every child responds differently.

Empowering Your Child: Teaching Assertiveness and Healthy Boundaries

When a child is bullied, they often feel powerless. While stopping the behavior is critical, helping your child rebuild confidence and develop strategies for future situations is just as important. Here’s how to nurture assertiveness and resilience:

• Role-play scenarios: Practice assertive body language (head held high, strong voice) and simple responses, like “Stop it,” or “That isn’t true.”
• Encourage seeking help: Teach your child that asking for help from adults or friends isn’t tattling—it’s advocacy.
• Support building friendships: Help your child strengthen connections with positive peers. Friendships can buffer the emotional impact of bullying.
• Teach digital safety: Remind kids not to share passwords, personal info, or retaliate online. Discuss privacy settings and blocking/reporting users.
• Build self-worth: Engage your child in activities that make them feel confident and capable, whether that’s sports, music, art, or volunteering.

Partnering with Schools: How to Advocate for Your Child

Schools have a duty to provide a safe environment—and most have anti-bullying policies in place. As a parent, your advocacy can be powerful:

• Document everything you discover: Written logs, dated accounts, and saved messages.
• Request a meeting: Email or call to schedule time with your child’s teacher, principal, or counselor. Clearly state your concerns and the effect on your child.
• Ask about their response plan: How do they investigate reports? What support do they provide to victims? What protection measures are in place?
• Stay persistent: If the bullying persists or isn’t taken seriously, escalate to higher school officials or your district’s superintendent.
• Know your rights: Under U.S. federal law, schools are required to intervene if bullying is based on race, color, national origin, sex, disability, or religion.

Healing and Recovery: Supporting Your Child Emotionally

The scars of bullying can linger, even after the behavior stops. Support your child’s healing with these approaches:

• Acknowledge their experience: Let your child know it’s normal to feel upset, angry, or scared after being bullied.
• Seek counseling when needed: Many children benefit from talking to a school counselor or therapist, especially if signs of depression, anxiety, or trauma arise.
• Strengthen their support network: Encourage healthy friendships, mentorships, and family activities that emphasize connection and support.
• Promote open dialogue: Regular check-ins about school or social experiences reinforce a sense of safety and connection.
• Monitor for ongoing issues: Be alert for changes in behavior, mood, or school performance that could signal lingering distress.

Remember, recovery can take time. Your ongoing presence and support are among the most powerful protective factors your child can have.

Cyberbullying: Special Steps for Parents in the Digital Age

If your child is bullied online, take action quickly. Here’s how to respond:

1. Collect evidence: Take screenshots of messages, posts, and emails. Save dates and times.
2. Block or mute offenders: Use in-app blocking, muting, or privacy settings to prevent contact.
3. Report abuse: Most social platforms, games, and phones have built-in tools to report harassment.
4. Contact school if relevant: Many schools have protocols for cyberbullying that starts or spills over from school.
5. Check local laws: Severe threats, nonconsensual photos, and repeated harassment may cross into criminal activity.
6. Limit app access: Supervise internet use, especially if your child is highly distressed or requires a digital break to recover emotionally.

Helping Siblings and Family Cope

The emotional impact of bullying doesn’t only affect the child involved. Siblings may also feel anxious, guilty, or helpless:

• Hold a family meeting to give everyone a chance to talk about feelings and support one another.
• Reassure siblings that what’s happening isn’t their fault or responsibility.
• Encourage siblings to avoid confronting the bully directly, but to support their brother or sister at school by sitting with them at lunch or walking with them in the hallways if possible.

Preventing Future Bullying: Laying the Groundwork for Long-Term Resilience

While you cannot control every situation, there are proactive steps you can take to reduce your child’s risk and build lifelong coping skills:

• Foster empathy: Encourage perspective-taking—ask children to consider how others might feel in different situations.
• Practice social skills: Role-play solutions for conflict, and teach assertive but respectful communication.
• Promote inclusion: Model inclusive behaviors at home; discourage gossip and exclusion within your own family.
• Stay involved: Stay in touch with your child’s teachers, coaches, and friends. The more connected you are to your child’s world, the easier it becomes to spot and address issues early.

Building Confidence: Everyday Opportunities

1. Celebrate small victories and effort, not just results
2. Encourage independence in age-appropriate ways
3. Let your child make choices whenever possible
4. Support interests and talents—even those outside your comfort zone
5. Provide unconditional love and support yet set consistent boundaries

When to Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, bullying results in anxiety, depression, self-harm, or significant academic and social withdrawal. If you notice any of the following, it’s time to seek professional support:

• Persistent sadness or mood swings
• Changes in appetite or sleep patterns
• Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
• Talking about hopelessness or expressing suicidal thoughts
• Obsession with the bullying or perpetrator
• Extreme avoidance of school or social situations

School counselors, pediatricians, therapists, and support hotlines can all offer help. There is no shame in seeking support—everyone needs a team sometimes.

Frequently Asked Questions About Bullying

• What if the school doesn’t act? Document every interaction. If policy isn’t followed, escalate up the chain or contact your school board. If the bullying is based on protected categories (race, gender, disability), you may have legal recourse.
• Should I teach my child to fight back? Self-defense may be an option in cases of physical danger, but responding aggressively often fuels escalation. Teach assertive but nonviolent responses and seek adult help instead.
• Will my child be labeled a troublemaker for speaking out? Encourage your child that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Partnering with supportive school staff can prevent negative labels.
• How can I help rebuild my child’s confidence? Remind them of their strengths, encourage connection with supportive friends or relatives, and consider therapy if self-esteem remains low.

Takeaway: You Are Not Alone—and Your Child Can Heal

Few things are harder than watching your child suffer. Yet by taking courageous, well-informed steps—listening, advocating, and nurturing resilience—you can help your child recover from bullying and rediscover their sense of safety and self-worth. Remember: You are your child’s greatest ally, and no family needs to go through this alone. Support, healing, and hope are possible—for your child, and for you.